How To Save Our Love Relationship With Kids in the Mix

How To Save Our Love Relationship With Kids in the Mix

pregnancy and designing your family life will do well to include planning for how to save our love relationship when children arrive

pregnancy and designing your family life will do well to include planning for how to save our love relationship when children arrive

Kids are Amazing Additions to a Family

They also bring along their own challenges that mean it helps to proactively know how to save your love relationship with your partner.

When you meet your significant other and fall madly in love, chances are you don’t think about the nitty-gritty of raising a kid with them.  You think about the love and fun you share together.  You share laughter, secrets, surprises.  You make love.  You think about the life you will be designing together.  You enjoy one another, and celebrate the future you plan together.

Having kids and the joys they bring is frequently part of the anticipation of life ahead….the challenges that come with the demands of having kids and knowing ‘how we can preserve or enhance our love relationship' in the face of those challenges is not usually something folks in love tend to think about…until they happen!

You may think about having kids.  Lots of couples do.  When there is so much love between you, it comes naturally to want to create a life together that you can share your love with.

What you probably don't think a lot about is what it would look like to be parents in practice, not just in theory.

‌finding balance to strengthen your partnership relationshipFind The Balance to Strengthen Your Relationship

Parents are expected to make sacrifices for the wellbeing of the kids, right?  But at what point is a couple supposed to draw the line? How do you keep your relationship with your partner from getting sacrificed on the altar of parenting without your relationship to your kids and their unfolding to become all they can be suffering?

The struggle to find the balance between the love life of a strong partnership relationship, and the life as parents is experienced by a lot of couples all over the world. So here are a few tips on how you can have it all; a strong relationship with your partner without losing sight of your kids.  Tips on how to save our love relationship when there are young kids is vital…so you don't have to wait 18 years to see if you can rediscover one another!

date night for strengthening partnership relationship

Regular Date Nighs can help save our love relationship

Make Date Night Sacred

When you two didn’t have any kids, you had so much fun, no?

Without the responsibility of kids, you could go anywhere, anytime you wanted. If you decided to visit Timbuktu, all you needed to do was just go.

To take a couple’s trip after kids requires a whole lot of planning.   You have to make arrangements with different people to ensure the kids are cared for in your absence. More often than not, you’d spend the whole time away worrying about them.

Many families solve all that need for planning by taking family vacations, not trips for just the two of you.  That's fun, but it doesn't solve the challenge of finding the balance between the kids and building and maintaining a strong partnership relationship.

A more achievable and less expensive activity with your partner is going out together.  Just having a regular date night can be a big secret in how to save our love relationship.

Spending time away from the kids enables you to see yourselves for who you actually are:  two people who love each other and choose to be together.

If you make this an important routine for you and your partner, you would have taken efficient steps to strengthening your relationship.  Some partners choose one special night a week, every week.  It becomes a sacred space for your partnership relationship.

Foster Unity IntentionallyIntentionally be Creatively Mindful about Designing and Strengthening Partner Relationship

When it comes to building your family, you must place a lot of value on the power of unity.

It’s often said that a family that prays together, stays together. Now while you may not necessarily have to pray, endeavour to create family time.  Perhaps play together?

It could be at dinner, when everyone is back from their engagements outside the home, or while watching TV.  Jigsaw puzzles and games can be a sharing and bonding time.

What’s important is that everyone gets to talk about their day and everyone else listens. This way, the family develops a bond, held firm by the knowledge of each other’s struggles and victories.  Family time and mutual attention go a long way toward taking the steps for how to save our love relationship.

We talk a lot about creative mindfulness here at Annie's Tips.  That's because when we are mindful and present with one another, we seize the moments we have as precious.  We also get to Design the Life we want when we are intentional and mindful.

couple communicating disagreement privately to strengthen love relationshipSupport your Partner

When it comes to discipline, everyone has their methods.  As a co-parent, you’ve probably come to some decisions on how you plan to discipline your kids with your partner.  Discipline means teaching, not punishing!  Look here for some tips on discipline.

If your partner punishes the kids for an offence which you think is not punishable, your responsibility is to support the decision.   It's going to happen.  Even if you really disagree, it's going to be a lot more confusing and upsetting to your child if you fail to support your partner.  And it's going to cause damage instead of strengthening your relationship.

While you could voice your disagreement when you two are alone, so long as your partner is not being abusive, don’t call them out in front of the kids.

When you undermine the authority of your partner, you create the opportunity for them to get disrespected by the kids. Parenting becomes a whole lot more difficult in this case.

Good parenting is hard enough without adding more problems!

 

Pull your own Weight

strong intentional mindful relationship design

A loving relationship soon turns sour when one person realises they’re putting in a lot more work than the other. It can be easy to let one person do all the work, especially when they seem to do it without much effort.

You can risk the physical, emotional and mental wellbeing of your partner. The person who does all the work is more prone to stress and stress-induced ailments.

For the strengthening of your relationship, and your family, strive to contribute to the running of the home.  There are lots of tasks to divvy up: paying bills, carpooling, helping out with the kids’ assignments, taking care of the house, cooking meals.

These responsibilities can be shared between you and your partner. And where one person can’t handle their own share of the work due to unplanned circumstances, be ready to pick up where they left off.

You’re in a partnership with your significant other. So when you share the load, he or she gets reaffirmed that they aren’t alone.  This goes a long way to strengthen your relationship and make for a healthy family life.

couple communicating to strengthen love relationshipCommunicate with Your Family

Communication in relationships is probably one of the most talked about topics. That’s because it is very important.

Keep your partner involved in what goes on in your life. Get to know everything that concerns the kids and encourage them to talk to you two about anything. This openness will prove useful in situations when your kid(s) could be in real danger and not know it.

Repressed hurt often grows into resentment and before you know it, the same person you loved dearly becomes someone you can’t wait to get away from.

So talk to your partner about the things they’ve said or done which hurt your feelings. And encourage them to do same. That way, you give room for apology and growth.

Take responsibility for your words and actions.  There are four simple magic statements to make every day:

  1. I Love You
  2. I'm Sorry
  3. Please Forgive Me
  4. Thank You

girls night out can help strengthen your partnership relationshipEncourage your Partner to Take a Break Sometimes-That's a Great Signal that it's Important to YOU to Learn How to Save Our Love Relationship

Once you become a parent, there’s no going back. As a good parent, you put in everything to make sure your kids have a good life.

So you’re constantly trying to balance your work, with your kids’ affairs and your relationship with your partner.

A good way to keep stress at bay is to unwind alone. It may sound selfish, but you need it. This is the reason why some employers give vacations to their employees, so they can rest, be rejuvenated and return to perform even better at work.

In the same way, you and your partner can sacrifice for the each other to take a break at regular intervals. You get to spend the night out with your friends, go to a spa or a game and really just enjoy your time alone without worrying about the kids.

Knowing your partner can have your back like this will increase your confidence in their ability to come through for you. Building trust like this helps strengthen your relationship with your significant other.

Take Care of Your Own Physical & Mental Health

Eat right. Watch your weightLook interesting and attractive for yourself and for your partner.

Pursue creative outlets to stimulate your brain and relax your soul.

As you practice these tips, remember that you alone are responsible for your happiness. So be intentional about your Joy.   Design Your Life with your partner and family with creative mindful attention to strengthening your relationship.

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Published by Annie Collyer

Annie is a mom of four, a business owner and blogger. She and her husband live in New Hampshire, where they are both active volunteers in their community school district. She writes about designing our lives with proven design thinking principles. Join her in creating the life we each want.

  • Lisa says:

    Annie,

    I must say, your post is packed with so much great information. I definitely agree on supporting your partner. I think in todays society, kids can manipulate their parents very easily. If mom says no, they go to dad. So, it is so important for both parents to back up one another more than ever.

    Lisa

    • Hi Lisa,
      The Mommy-Daddy routine is a tough one, for the parents and for the kids. It is really not healthy for them not to have healthy boundaries from their role models. Plus it can do a lot of damage to the love relationship that is so worth protecting. Thanks for visiting and for your feedback.

  • Zola says:

    As a husband married with 5 kids now with our youngest child at 5 months I can resonate all so well with what you’ve shared in this post Annie. As someone who has traveled the road that I’m busy trying to navigate, I think your tips are so helpful. I particularly like your emphasis on nurturing the relationship as husband and wife and also as a family by taking deliberate steps to spend time together. I’ve gained so much value from this post so much so that I’ll bookmark this page for future reference.

    • Zola, thank you for your kind remarks. I am really so happy to have shared something that you find valuable. Mindfully designing our lives is within our control and our responsibility, don’t you think? 5 kids! Quite a challenge to keep all in balance. I am glad to be of some help!

  • Brittaney Verkuyl says:

    I really needed this, thank you, Annie. We were young when we decided to be together and not long after did we get pregnant. Not intentionally, of course. But it didn’t really give us time to develop a strong base relationship before the family intrusion. This article has given me some ideas to maybe start trying to rebuild that foundation we have been missing.

    • I am so glad to hear that, Brittaney! Keeping a love relationship strong through the challenges of raising children is something to be intentionally and creative mindful of. I believe it is a part of the Life Design we have the opportunity to create each and every day. Thank you for your kind words!

  • Michelle says:

    Hello Annie,
    Great article and wonderful tips. Yes, a loving relationship has challenges on all levels and it helps to be aware so when the challenges show up you are capable of dealing with them. Partnership and love is one way to ensure stability, especially when it comes to parenting. Your article touched all the great points and I appreciate that. This is a good starting point for anyone.
    Michelle

    • Thanks, Michelle. Being mindful and responsible go a long way toward designing and implementing the love and quality of relationship you want. And kids benefit from a stong partnership relationship as you say. Thanks for visiting and for your kind words.
      Annie

  • ariel says:

    Hello Annie,
    I think these tips are so important , no matter how long a couple is together. It comes down to your four tips that make so much sense. I am sorry and thank you go a long way. And the idea of making sure your partner knows that you truly see and hear and listen and value. Relationships, the want of us all and sometimes the hardest thing ever to do well, yes?
    Great advice, in peace and gratitude, ariel

    • Hi Ariel, I find one of the keys I have learned is to take responsibility for my own actions and words, and for the impact, intended or not, they may have on someone else. That works for both the positive mindful relationship building and for the damage control when I screw up.
      Thanks for your comments!
      Annie

  • Anthony Hu says:

    Hi Annie,
    It is informative article and contains all aspects of partner relationship. You provide valuable tips to establish a strong partnership and to maintain the balance between the love life of a strong partnership and the life as parents. Your guidance on strong relationship with your partner without losing sight of your kids is valuable for any couples who plan to have kids. Thanks for sharing.

  • When my wife and I had our first son, we vowed that we would keep a “date night” for ourselves, but it unfortunately never happened. When we did try to go out on occasion, we felt guilty leaving our little man at home.

    It made things pretty challenging, as we went from being a couple to being only “mom and dad” for quite a while, but eventually we managed to work things out. While we don’t really have date nights, we do make an effort to have private time. Sometimes we will play a game of Scrabble once the kids are in bed, or if we wake up early, we lie in bed talking.

    We also make sure to give our kids all the attention we can. I agree that communication is really important, and I am glad that in my family, we are all very open with one another. My elder son is 14, but still talks to us about pretty much everything. I think it’s wonderful, and it has definitely made for a stronger relationship.

    • Hi Craig, I love that you and your wife have that kind of communication that you work on every day with one another and with your son. It is a great testimony that he is open with you about his stuff. Thank you for sharing!
      Annie

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